


A Thousand Times Again

by kissmetommy



Category: Supernatural, Wincest - Fandom
Genre: Dean Winchester - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Sibling Incest, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5755948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissmetommy/pseuds/kissmetommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what heaven must be for them, the open road, saving people. Together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Thousand Times Again

They’ve been in this exact same situation thousands of times, music playing quietly, Dean’s hands clasped around the steering wheel. Sam’s head is pressed against the foggy window, and his hand is so close to Deans that he can feel the warmth radiating from his brother. This is what heaven must be for them, the open road, saving people. Together. Sam has thought about the things people have said behind their backs, the hunters who whisper about the two brothers being too close. There are a few of them that even refuse to work with them, because they are too dependant on eachother. That they wouldn’t be able to do what you sometimes have to do. It’s part of the job. And at first Sam was mad at them for saying those things, but then he realized they were right. That they wouldn’t be able risk each others life for one of a civilian.

They’re somewhere in Idaho Sam thinks. The road is pretty boring, the same dusty roads and dried leaves. It’s fall and that’s his favorite time of the year, there is something about oversized sweaters and pumpkins that he just adores. He always has, it’s not like Christmas. There aren’t any bad memories to go with it. There are some things he remembers about fall when he was a kid. For most of them he was alone, but there was one that stuck with him throughout his life. Part of him is not even sure if it’s real, that maybe his mind came up with it on its own. Like a coping mechanism. Sam was ten, they were staying at a motel. There wasn’t anything special about this motel, there wasn't really anything special about any motels. They all really collaged together at this point.

Sam was eating cereal, his favorite food at that time. There was some sort of after school special playing on the TV. Dean was curled up on the couch, a line of drool sliding out of his mouth. Dean looked so perfect like that, wearing grey sweatpants and bare chested. There were things about Dean, that at the time made Sam so happy. Like, when Dean called him Sammy, when he pressed small kisses onto his forehead. His hugs, his favorite thing about Dean were his hugs. One thing that everyone who ever had a conversation with Sam knew one thing, and that was that he got bored very easily. Even now when Sam and Dean were on long drives they had to play some sort of child’s game to keep Sam occupied. Sam realizes now that, that’s the reason he thought up Sully. Sully was his cure to boredom. So Sam got bored as he usually does, his empty bowl of cereal resting on the table. The TV had switched to some cop show, and Sam found himself wishing that he was there instead of here. He wished he was somewhere that the weirdest thing that happened was a naked man running down the street. But he wasn't there, he knew things, he knew things that would prohibit him from being normal. Even here, even in this world he still felt like a freak.

That’s when Dean woke up, his eyes red and swollen. He had been crying before, Dad said that he couldn't go on this hunting trip. After Dean cried for a few hours Sam confessed he was at fault because he has prayed that Dean wouldn't leave him. Dean just laughed and told him that God wasn't real. When Sam noticed he was awake he skipped over to him. Dean was clutching the necklace that Sam had given him, and was staring out the window. There was something in his eyes that scared the younger brother. Something that he would later become very familiar with.  
“Hey Dean?” Sammy’s voice came out more afraid than he wanted too and he automatically squared his shoulders.  
“Hiya Sammy.” His brother turned towards him, there was a smile on his face. A true smile, the kind that Dean only saved for his brother. Sam played with his fingers as he sat down.

“Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t blame me?” Sam had asked, Dean sighed. He always tried to do the best for this brother. Always wanting to save him from the bad things in life but he couldn’t always do that. He knew that sooner than later Sammy would be wanting to go on the hunting trips. That we would be the one cutting off the vamps heads and the one shooting the guns. He was scared, and at fourteen the thing he cared the most about was his brother, and that scared him too.

“Of course I don’t blame you Sammy, you had nothing to do with this. I promise i’m not mad.” Dean spoke, Sam sat down next to him, pulling in his legs into his chest. Sam remembered thinking that there was something so soft about his brother, like he was a fluffy blanket or a bird’s feathers.  
“Okay…” He doesn't remember if at the time he believed his brother or if he was just too tired to keep prodding, but he knows now that Dean never really forgave him. Even if he didn't believe in God, maybe Dean was just scared because thats when he realized that Sam needed him as much as Dean needed Sammy.

“Are you tired? Do you need to sleep?” Sam’s eyes were drooping and he felt as though his head weighed a thousand pounds. All Sam could do was nod, and as soon as he did he remembers Dean’s arms wrapping around his body. He carried him and placed him lightly onto their bed. Even when there dad was gone and they had two beds between them the boys felt comfort sleeping together. It was just nice knowing that there was someone there in all the darkness.

“Sleep tight Sammy.” Dean whispered, and then placed a soft kiss onto his younger brothers forehead. He had hovered over Sammy’s face for a few moments. So many thoughts had been going through his head. And then in a quick second, Dean left a light kiss on his Sammy’s lips. Dean later told him that he had assumed that Sam had been asleep, but he wasn't. Because when Sam went back to watch the TV Sam smiled like he never had before.

They’re definitely in Idaho. Sam just saw a green sign, yes, it’s true that Sam sees many signs that aren't actually there. Whether they are from god or lucifer doesn't matter, he sees things that aren't there. And he hasn't told Dean. Sam knows that Dean is suspicious, he has that look on his face when he wants to ask his brother a question. But he’s holding back. Why is he holding back?  
“Sammy?” His brothers low voice echos through his head and it takes him a moment to decipher if he’s actually speaking to him right now.  
“Sammy!” Dean looks mad, like Sam has been ignoring him for awhile. So maybe he has, maybe he really just doesn't feel like talking right now. He just feels like thinking about when they were younger and things were better. When they were happy.  
“What’s going on?” Dean raises his eyebrows, he looks serious. His fingers are tightly gripped around the steering wheel, and if Sam says that doesn't stir something deep inside him he would be lying.  
“Nothing. Nothing’s going on, I’m fine. What do you think is going on?” Sam says way too fast, Dean can tell he’s lying. He doesn’t understand why he’s lying, they always told each other everything. They were brothers, and they were supposed to be in this together. Always.  
“Why are you lying to me?” Dean’s eyebrows are furrowed and there he has a hand in his hair and it’s physically hurting him to look at his brother. So, he has to tell him. He has to try and explain what’s going on.  
“I-I’m not lying to you. I just don’t know what’s going on. There’s something off with me. I know 

that. I just don’t know what it is, I swear Dean.” Dean nods, and Sam felt like the last straw fell. Something in him cracks, and he doesn’t know what’s going on inside of him.  
“Hey, Sammy. We’ll figure this out. And right now all we have to do is salt and burn.”  
Three months after that kiss, it happened again. They were in another hotel in another state. It looked the same, cracked paint, worn sheets and a TV in the center of the room. It was Sam’s birthday and usually these went by without notice. There was a pat on the shoulder, or a new pair of socks, but never a party. But that also may be because of the fact that neither Sam or Dean had any friends. When Sam woke up on the day of his eleventh birthday something was different, Dean had turned fifteen months ago and his present was a trip with dad. But Sam was too young, even though Dean had first gone when he was 10. Sam was too young and too precious.  
This morning was different, dad was gone and Dean had his headphones plugged into his walkman. Sam stayed in bed for a few moments, watching his older brother sitting by the window. He looked sad, but he always did these days. Dean’s head turned quickly around and caught his brothers eyes. A tight smile appeared on his face.  
“Hey there little brother.” Dean said, he plucked the earbuds out of his ears, swinging his body around to face him. Sam tucked his face into the sheets, suddenly feeling shy. He heard the thunder of Dean’s booted feet approaching him, and peeked out of the white blanket.  
“What is wrong with you this morning?” Dean asked, and ever since that night three months ago Dean had showed a certain softness towards his younger brother.  
“Nothing…” Sammy smiled, and sat up in the bed, Dean was sitting towards the end, a wide smile now on his face.  
“Nothing? Nothing at all, you know I heard that someone is turning 11 today but I could be completely wrong.” Dean teased Sam, watching Sam’s face light up when he heard the word birthday.  
“It is my birthday Dean!” Sam yelled, the blankets falling off of his body. He was wearing Dean’s grey sweatpants, the same ones that Dean had been wearing that night.  
“Yeah? And what do you want for your birthday?” Dean asks, Sam puts a finger to his chin, acting like he needs even a second to think about it. In reality, Sam knew exactly what he wanted.  
“I-I want, I want a k-kiss.” Sam whispers. Dean’s eyes light up, and something tugs in the bottom of stomach.  
“I don’t think that we can do that Sammy.” Dean shakes his head, his lips in a straight line, there is something about the look on his face that makes Dean want to cry.  
“But why not?” Sam frowns, looking down at the yellow bed sheets.  
“Because brothers don’t kiss brothers.” Dean tries to explain but there is that tugging in his stomach again and he feels like the words are being forced out of his mouth.  
“But why?” Sammy asks again, and this time Dean can’t force himself to say that it’s wrong.  
“Because society has told us not to, I think.” He decides on saying, because telling the boy in front of him that something he wants is invalid isn’t right.

“Just once? Please?” Sammy questions him, leaning forward, his small face beaming with something. Something dangerous.  
“Okay, once, just because I love you.” Dean gives in, looking at his younger brother. Who wouldn’t love him? They lean in at the same time, and even though the shared that one kiss a few months ago, this seems like new territory. Dean really does not want to fuck this up. He cups his brother’s face, holding it in his hands. They stay like that for a moment, just soaking in each other. And then Sammy leans forward, and they are kissing. Two thoughts go through Sammy’s mind while kissing his older brother. The first one is; where is the world did Dean learn to kiss this way? And the second is; why does this feel so right? Because there are fireworks in his belly that he doesn't want to ever live without.  
Dean pulls away first, they don’t say anything. Sam jumps out of bed and turns on the TV. Dean sits on the bed, watching Sammy watch the show. They don’t talk about it until it happens again, four years later on Dean’s eighteenth birthday.  
They’ve just pulled up at a motel, they don’t have to start to hunt until the morning. Right now, they only thing they need is sleep. The motel is a bit fancier than the ones they usually sleep in. Dean had, had a successful month in pool. Sam sets his bag down near the door and heads straight for the bed. He’s been sleeping a lot, and Dean has noticed. He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t even know why. Dean sits on Sam’s bed, thinking about the times when they slept in the same bed. He doesn’t remember when they stopped, maybe around the same time-he doesn't want to think about that right now.  
There is a bar behind the hotel, and Dean excuses himself to go get a drink. Sam is left alone in the room, watching the news. The thought flickers through his mind that he should go with Dean, but that could get messy fast and he doesn’t want to mess things up. What even is there to mess up? They haven’t really been on great terms, but certainly not horrible ones. They aren’t fighting at least, and Sam wants to keep it that way.There has always been something about his brother that makes him want to please him, and not in a sexual way. All his life he just wanted for his brother and father to be proud of him, but they were never around to see him succeed. Sam decides to follow Dean, not even sure if he is going to go inside yet.

He spots Dean at the bar chatting with some greying older man. His stomach fills with jealousy, he looks away. When he looks back Dean is alone and staring at his drink. He looks sad and Sammy wants to go in there and do something about it. No one knows they are brothers, so why couldn’t he just push him against a wall and kiss the fuck out of him? Sam shakes his head, scraping his shoes on the ground. He tightens his grip on the gun in his pocket, he doesn’t need it. But he want’s to be able feel like he is safe, even though he never is.

“Sam?” A gruff voice rings through the night. Sam turns around. It’s Dean. Sam bites his lip and slips his hands into his pockets, watching his older brother.

“Hey.” Sam breaths out, trying to smile but his expression doesn’t change. Dean doesn’t smile either, he’s drunk. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks. Sam gulps because he has no idea what he is doing here. He shakes his head. 

“I don’t know.” Sam replies simply. His hair feels dirty and all of a sudden he feels like he needs to take a shower. He rings his hands. 

“I’ve had a few drinks and I don’t have good judgement right now.” Dean says, stepping closer to his brother. 

“Okay.” Sam says, his heart in his throat. 

“But I need to do something, and you might hate me forever because of this but I need to get it out of my system, but you need to be drunk too for me to do it.” Dean backs away, there is something in his eyes that both scares and excites Sam. 

“You want me to get wasted.” Sam states, trying to reason with not only Dean but himself, is this really the best idea?

“I need you to get wasted.” Dean corrects him, it seems like he is a mile away now, too far to touch and close enough that he can make out his face in the darkness. 

“Okay.” Sam sighs, and walks into the bar.

It’s Dean’s eighteenth birthday and dad isn’t home. This isn’t the first time he’s been gone during one of their birthdays, but he promised he’d be home this time. But that doesn’t matter because Dean gets to be home alone with Sammy. And ever since the kiss four years ago he hasn’t stopped thinking about him. He had to wait though, for Sam to be old enough to understand the consequences. Now he is and all Dean wants to do is jump into his arms and kiss the hell out of him.

Sam’s been waiting for the right time, but the opportunity has never come up. They’ve either been with Bobby, their dad or on a hunt. School has gotten in the way too many times and Dean has friends. Or girlfriends, or one night stands. He just came to the conclusion that Dean didn’t like him. But there were always things that suggested otherwise. Like, they way he always paid attention to him when he spoke. How he always put his needs in front of others. There were things that suggested that Dean loved him as more than a brother and things that suggested that there was nothing between them. So Sammy just waited. 

As soon as the clock struck twelve Dean woke Sam up. He jumped on his bed, startling the younger boy awake. Sam looks at him with his eyebrows raised.

“What are you doing?” Sam asks. Dean is sitting on Sam’s legs, looking as if he has some big secret.

“It’s my birthday Sammy.” Dean’s face is carrying a huge smile, and his eyes are as bright as the fluorescent lights in the hotel bathroom.  
“Yeah it is, it’s also the morning.” Sam groans, he’s both sleepy and… Well, he’s a teenage boy and certain things happen in the morning.  
“Come on Sammy, I made breakfast.” Dean exclaims, gesturing towards the small dining room in the motel.  
“Yeah, coming, coming. Let me use the bathroom first.” Sam gives in, thinking he’ll just think of old ladies and dead kittens to make his problem go away.  
“Fine just hurry!” Dean says, jumping off of the bed and rushing towards the kitchen.  
Sammy hurries towards the bathroom, making sure that he doesn’t show off his obvious boner to his older brother. He quickly takes care of his problem by thinking of disgusting things and splashing his face with cold water. When he exits the bathroom Dean is sitting down at the table, pancakes and fruit are put out onto the wooden surface.  
“Come on Sammy!” Dean smirks. And for a second Sammy is afraid that he knew why he hurried off into the bathroom. But how could he?  
“This looks great Dean.” Sam says, and he tries to hide that his heart is swelling ten times its usual size.  
They eat in silence, and in five minutes that plates are cleared and their stomachs are filled. Two minutes after that they are standing in the living room. There is one coach, which is broken down and molding. There are two chairs made in leather, and a rough carpet under their feet. An old TV is placed over a fireplace that doesn’t work.  
“Happy birthday De.” Sam says, trying to clear the air. They are standing in the middle of the room, staring at each other. Dean doesn’t say anything, just nods. He takes two steps forward, he’s an arm reach away. Sam takes three small steps towards his brother. Now, the tips of their feet are touching. If Dean leaned forward they could touch noses. And he does, and then their noses are touching and Sam can feel Dean’s breath on his lips. This is the closest they have gotten since four years ago, and Sam can feel the excitement running through his veins. All he wants to do is kiss his brother.  
Dean makes the move, he cups his brother’s face. The first his is soft and gentle, just a touch of the lips. The second one is passionate and needy. They stand in the middle of the room, groping and kissing for what seems like hours. And the Sam pulls away, they look at each other for a moment and then dean grabs Sam by the thighs and hoists his legs up around him. Dean slams Sammy into a wall, kissing his neck like Sam’s skin is water and he is dying of dehydration.  
Sam tugs at Dean’s shirt, wining into the kiss. Dean scratches at Sammy’s back, probably leaving marks, but those won’t be as obvious as the ones left on his younger brother’s neck. He already looks like he was attacked with a vacuum cleaner. Dean sets Sam down on the kitchen counter, removing both of their shirts. For the first time Sammy looks, he takes a break from the kissing and admires his brother's chest. He has faint outline of a six pack, and clear v line which lead down to something great. There is a small and scattered line of hair leading down to that again. Sam loves all of that, really, he does but his favorite thing about shirtless Dean are his collar bones. They are outlined and pronounced, and look they are made to be decorated with hickeys. Sam glances up at Dean, as if asking for permission. Dean nods and smiles, looking down fondly at the boy. Sam begins sucking at the skin, leaving faint marks at first but then getting more into it. Sammy leaves four on each collarbone, Dean is a moaning mess by the end of it. Dean grabs his brother’s face again, kissing every single inch of it that he can. And that’s when he hears the keys rattling in front of the door.  
Sam sits down at the bar, and asks for a beer. Dean sits at the other end, acting like he doesn’t know that his brother is staring at him from the other end. Dean orders the same beer, and chugs half of it in one gulp. Sam takes a sip.

Sammy pretends not to notice that Dean is chatting the bartender up and pretends not to notice that he kept glancing over in his direction. He is two beers in now, but he can handle his drinks. 

Four beers later and the room has started to spin. His judgement has flown out the window. Dean has moved to two seats over from where Sam is sitting. 

“I’m intoxicated.” Sammy says, gripping tightly onto the cold bottle. 

“I can see that, Sammy.” Dean grins fondly. The two top buttons of Sam’s flannel have been unbuttoned and Dean can see his chest when he leans forward. He wonders if his brother did this on purpose. 

“Why did you want me to get drunk with you?” Sam asks, leaning forward again. More of his chest is showing now. Dean takes a deep breath.

“So I could do this and not feel bad about it.” Somehow Dean’s hand is on Sammy’s thigh and he doesn’t even remember putting it there. 

“You should still feel badly.” Sam laughs. But he doesn’t remove Dean’s hand. He just stares at it like he’s never seen it before. 

“Wow thanks little brother.” Dean rolls his eyes. 

“Just sayin’” Sam shrugs. He downs the last of his beer. “Should we go to our room?” He suggests, Dean’s hand has been removed from his thigh and he’s missing it.

“Uh, okay. Are you sure?” Dean asks, Sam’s already standing and it feels as though his bones are on fire. 

“Where else would we go?” He responds with. Dean huffs impatiently, but grabs his jacket. He wants to go back to their room. Badly. 

“You know what I mean Sam.” Dean says.

“Yes. I’m sure.” Sam looks him in the eye from a moment with complete seriousness. 

“Okay, let’s do it.”

When they get back to the motel they both sit down on their separate beds. Silence floats arounds them. Dean speaks first. 

“Sammy?” His voice is cautious and wavering. Sam doesn’t say anything in return. He stands. They are three steps away from each other. Two, and Dean has started to cry. One, Sam is crying too. 

Dean isn’t the one to make the first move this time. His little brother that he raised with the little to no help from their father is the one to attach their lips. His hands aren’t soft anymore, they’re rough and callused. It is something that comes with the job. 

Sam’s hair is everywhere, being tugged by Dean’s fingers, and strands of it in between their lips. 

“We’ve got to get this into a bun.” Dean jokes. Barely detaching the kiss for a breath. Sam giggles and Dean’s heart inflates to twice it’s size. Dean’s hands move to feel the skin under his brother’s flannel. Only the two middle buttons are actually buttoned. Dean thinks about unbuttoning them. He thinks really hard. Then he does it. 

Sam’s breathing increases. 

There he is, shirtless, in front of his brother. He’s been shirtless in front of him before, but this time it isn’t innocent. It’s completely sexual and sinful. But they’ve never cared about that before. Now here they stand. They allow themselves to look at each other. 

For the first time in sixteen years they let themselves look. Dean takes his shirt off next, causing Sam to gulp slowly. Sam’s face is wet, the tears haven’t been wiped from his face. 

Dean smiles slowly, and then Sam is smiling too. They become family again for a moment. Because no matter what they are doing or what position they are in they will always be family and nobody, not even Castiel can take that away from them. 

Then they are kissing again. On the bed this time, lips dancing and fingers exploring each other’s skin. Sam wishes that they could stay like this forever and Dean needs them to do this again. 

He needs Sam more than he wants to admit, he needs him so much that he can feel the pain in his bones. Even thinking about leaving Sam, or even worse Sam leaving him, brings him to tears. All he wants to do is hold his little brother close to his brother and protect him. Whatever they are, he just wants to protect him. 

 

He’ll always need him.


End file.
